JCM: Live Life With Motherly Flavor

Recently, we've heard, witnessed and read many sweet messages of affirmation for beloved mothers, while a few others may have unsettled indifference with their Moms which prevent them to articulate affection towards them.

Everyone has a unique experience when it comes to motherly care. No one could relate to anyone who is dearly loved, abandoned, mistreated, and unloved except the ones who have gone through it. However, regardless of origin, the nine months that we’ve been carried by our mothers in their wombs and nursed us for nine months is already enough of a gratitude towards them. Life itself that we nourish each day is a hopeful opportunity to transcend to a more beautiful life whether we like it or not.

My grandmother (Feliza) who also served as a mother
and looks content at the age of 89.

Personally, my mother and I have been mortal enemies for long years. I was not aware that I had this grudge against her which I only discovered when the whole family had moved to the city where we’ve been together again in one roof.

I never knew that her method of discipline (disciplinary spanking and nagging) turned to be my baggage which was most likely to be triggered and released from my subconscious whenever we had disagreements. I could still remember when I said to her, “We would be both at peace without seeing each other anymore because the more we see each other, the more I commit sin.” I pitied her when she cried defenselessly on the corner which I did not want her to feel out of personal bitterness. At some point instead of appreciation, when she told me that I’m nothing but a son, I would fight back harshly and told her like, “It’s your choice to give me birth not mine.”

In the past, my anger could easily be sparked even on a simple issue and had the tendency to parent her than talking to her calmly and with respect she deserves. I can’t put myself on her shoes when she is babying me which I never realized that it’s simply showing me literally that I’m one of her babies, not physically treating me like a baby, but a show of love just like for a baby.

My aunts, Linda (left) and Lolita (right) who are just cool
as mothers in the midst of trials.

By God’s grace, nowadays is totally different. We still have conflicts but my anger management is utterly different from the past. Trivial things where misunderstandings basically stemmed at sometimes happen but I’ve learned already to let go than keep it for days. Whenever we have differences in an impulse, I make it a point to inhale a deep breath and revisit how she patiently conceived me in her womb for nine months, and how courageous did she endure the difficulty of bearing a child.

Our mother Julia Elutin-Ecleo with grandmother
Feliza Cullon-Balea

If we’ll check the equilibrium of a scale, we would find out that bitterness steals stillness. The more one dwells on it, the more it robs one’s joy from anything that he/she can be found from somewhere else. Bitterness happens when we’re deprived of something that we could hardly cope with. Eventually, this feeling of injustice turned to be infected with anger once kept than released.

Bitterness is wrath’s little sister. Anger can be impartial and righteous if it drives to resolve the error committed or perceived, while wrath is a deadly sin which nourishes on itself and intensifies the harm inflicted by the original pain. Bitterness has also this capacity but instead of a violent display of emotion, the former is gentler which gradually pollutes life’s joy.

So what’s next? Would we just remain seated and judge these people who have unresolved bitterness against their mother by making harsh comments than reaching them out? How could we let go of this bitterness?

Sister-in-law Jocelyn Villarama (left) who fulfills her job as
a mother when she attended her daughters' graduation.
With her is Joreen (middle) and my sister Mylene (right)

Forgive the offender not by pretending to be okay and overlooking the pain either but by rewarding with control not to retaliate but begin with a healing plan.

Hebrews 12:15 See to it hat no one be deprived of the grace of God, that no bitter root spring up and cause trouble, through which many may become defiled.

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.

Ephesians 4:26-27 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil.

Colossians 4:8 But now you must put them all away: anger, fury, malice, slander, and obscene language out of your mouths.

Make a plan by finding an alternative to regain what has been lost to lessen bitterness while the hurt persists. Do not entertain the thought of “I can’t do something about it.” After an attempt that is failed, develop new goal that would rebuild a persuasive future.

Bonding time with her great grand son, Aaron, together with her mother
Irene Sante and my sister Christine Ecleo (right)

Stop dwelling on pain and retelling repeatedly. People who could facilitate reconciliation and reconstruction are significant, but taking small steps and focusing on solutions is noteworthy to minimize the sense of helplessness.

Ephesians 4:31 All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, be removed and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice.

Pray for God’s grace. Healing is impossible when obsessed by the wound but rather through confession which opens the heart for God’s grace and be shielded by His love, mercy and healing.

Matthew 25:45 He will answer them, 'Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones,

Look for professional assistance (Clergy, Parish Counselor) if symptoms still persist to get to the heart of the matter for prescribed solutions.

Grandmother's 87th birthday. From left: our father's sister Panching Añon-Ecleo,
Christian Ecleo, Marlon Ecleo with his wife Nilda Devara, Irene Sante
with her son Aaron, Julia Ecleo with grandson Baby Justine.

Matthew 25:40 And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Mark 9:37 "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the one who sent me."

Bitterness consumes ones positive disposition which pushes us to sadness. Make a decision NOW by liaising with God’s grace to loosen from the grip of bitterness. God’s providence is always on time to catch, to comfort, and to lead that there is so much more to life than pain

Out of love, Jesus died for us while we were still enemies. This is what He desires, to love even our enemies, as he does.

From left: Sister Mylene, nieces Joreen and Jennelyn with
Grandmother Feliza

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

On the other hand, the church teaches us parenting as a gift than right, that child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The "supreme gift of marriage" is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged "right to a child" would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right "to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents," and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception."[1]

Sister-in-law Mylene Cacho and my brother Irvin, her
husband on Kelvin's baptism

As a form of gratitude, the sibling is also taught to honor our parents to whom we owe life and who have handed on to us the knowledge of God. We are obliged to honor and respect all those whom God, for our good, has vested with his authority.[2]

Observing the fourth commandment brings its reward: "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the LORD your God gives you." Respecting this commandment provides, along with spiritual fruits, temporal fruits of peace and prosperity. Conversely, failure to observe it brings great harm to communities and to individuals.[3]

The home is the natural environment for initiating a human being into solidarity and communal responsibilities. Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies.[4]