JCM: Grumbling, Whining and Venting Affect Mental Health?

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Grumbling, Whining and Venting Affect Mental Health?

In the neighborhood, there is this little old lady who’s been noticed of her indebted heart. Every morning she would step out of her balcony with her raised arms to the heavens and scream, “Praise the Lord!”[1]

Unknowingly, a whining and incensed atheist neighbor spots her routine. Out of irritation of this customary scene, one day he moved to the next door and shrieked, “There is no Lord!”

Days gone and weeks passed, these two fellows have been flaunting their individual insignia.

One rainy morning, the little old lady steps out of her balcony and shouts, “Praise the Lord! Have mercy on me Lord. I am famished. Please provide me food to eat! As she steps out of her house the following morning, lo and behold, there were two large packs of grocery underneath.

Out of so much gratitude, she whoops in praises, “Praise the Lord,” she acclaims.

The irate and grumbling atheist neighbor jumps out of the enclosure and yells, “The Lord does not exist! I bought those groceries!”

On the other hand, the little old lady gestures by tossing her arms towards heaven and bellows, “Praise the Lord for these groceries and making the devil pay for them!”

Can everyone relate to this? We’re like in this portrayal at some point, Amen? Man by nature is a grumbler, an ungrateful, and a whiner. When God says go to the right, we go to the left. When rain pours, man grumbles out of discomfort walking under the rain. When sun's rays strike one's skin, he/she grouses of its irritating heat. When a man/woman feels uneasy with his/her sexuality, one goes to a surgeon for a sex change. When a husband/wife feels dissatisfied of routinely union, the other gets into an illicit affair. When one feels discontentment of his/her million bank deposits, he/she quarries a multi-million fund from the people’s taxes.

What happened after discontentment? We end up with a climate change that is abnormal to what we’ve been regularly enjoyed in the past, with country’s presidents incarcerated, with homes wrecked, with senators jailed, with neighbouring countries in war, etc.

Any act of grumbling, whining and venting at home are just repeated from history to history because it’s simply absorbed by those around within the family because of one’s character that dwells on frustration than getting rid of it and jump to a healthier phase, in a more effective manner.

At any given point, one may have been fallen into a trap of discontentment because of too much trust in the arms of flesh but we're all given multiple chances to repair our personal spiritual discernment of this life; that life is not all about money, sex power but all about holiness. Holiness is not all about going to the church everyday but going to the church with trust to the Divine Mercy that we as a people can address everyone's discontentment and unhappiness through communal effort, by being concerned and dependent with one another, encouraging one another, by empathy, living together in a life that trusts not in the arm of flesh but in the Arms of God.

Romans 8:5-8 For those who live according to the flesh are concerned with the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the spirit with the things of the spirit. The concern of the flesh is death, but the concern of the spirit is life and peace. For the concern of the flesh is hostility toward God; it does not submit to the law of God, nor can it; and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

On these different occasions of a squeaky wheel of one’s life which brought him/her to dejection, this must be rooted from somewhere else. However, if it’s a man-made problem, there must be a man-made solution to it, as one author says, “The mind is the root from which all things grow. If you can understand the mind, everything else is included.”(Badhidharma)

Regardless of the magnitude of their complaints, chronic complainers do not usually see themselves as negative people. They see themselves as eternal being on the losing end of things, as drawing the short straw day by day. That is why they see the world as being negative and themselves as merely responding suitably to maddening, or adverse condition.”[2]

On a daily basis, there are a lot of things that one possibly complain about (weather, public transport, spouse, siblings, friends, boss, shops, restaurants) but the thing is how do we handle as a whiner or when our loved ones vent his/anger against us?

Encountering these people who are chronic complainers can be associated to a future potential unhappiness as it matures in the process. So how do we address if we are the whiner or the victims of whining at home, as chronic complaining can be a symptom of future derailment both in relationships and financial prowess and even mental health, as the little issue itself when not addressed while it’s still little can become larger towards the end.

Provided below are the significant tips on dealing with chronic complainers:

1 Never attempt to induce a chronic complainer that things are ‘not as bad” as they believe they are or imply they are “over-reacting” to a certain situation. This pressures the person to bring up more additional complaints or displeasure that are not yet heard about which may lead you to a thought of how awful their lives in fact.

Chronic complainers grumble because they seek emotional validation and empathy with respect to their experience telling them that their life was fragmented.

The swiftest way to pre-empt a grumbler is through expression of empathy and readdress the issue. For example, if you’re a parent/sibling/boss complaining about your peer/insignificant others for being negligent, you may address it by saying, “You did not switch off the lights again before leaving! That’s extremely awfuI and it’s difficult to ignore this but I hope you can do this because we really have not to waste electricity consumption.”

Mostly, chronic complainers (except those whose lives are not unusual) look at their lives as filled with difficulty and trial which are embedded in their personalities and sense of identity. Hence, their constant relating of their dilemma does not necessarily follow that they are seeking for counsel or solution. This means that even if your word offers a solution to the problem, chronic complainers will not be uniquely pleased to take note of it. Their difficulty that is overlooked is perceived by them as a threat of their “sense of self”. That is why they frequently respond to good recommendation either by rationalizing why the advice won’t work or by being disappointed that the person dealing with it does not understand how unsolvable their problem is.

Keep away from offering a solution in most cases, (except for some blatant circumstances). Focus on empathy and emotional validation. Nevertheless, there are chronic complainers who are really into legitimate predicament and complaint. To this extent, they probably acknowledge and appreciate a brief and critical advice.

Complaining and whining differs by the nature of the dissatisfaction and by motivation of expressing it. Complaining is voicing fair and legitimate dissatisfaction with the goal of attaining a resolution or remedy. Venting is voicing legitimate dissatisfaction without the goal of attaining a resolution. Whining is voicing dissatisfaction that is trivial/inconsequential and not worthy of special attention.[3]

They impact us materially[4] naturally because when you allow yourself to be dominated by the venting, this could directly affect our good disposition inside the workplace considering that one’s mind is divided between the disparagement and work ethics when blinded by irritation.

Incident of dissatisfaction if not addressed properly results the person to be left with the feeling of helplessness and bad about themselves. Accumulation of frustration and helplessness can add up overtime which impacts one’s mood, self-esteem and general mental health. It’s interesting to note that it feels good and does wonders of empowerment when a spouse, customer service, colleague or a friend responded an apology and promise to make better efforts in the days to come, after a complaint.

1 Corinthian 10:10-13 Do not grumble as some of them did, and suffered death by the destroyer. These things happened to them as an example, and they have been written down as a warning to us, upon whom the end of the ages has come. Therefore, whoever thinks he is standing secure should take care not to fall. No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial He will also provide a way out, so that you may able to bear it.