Bitterness creeps up on us. Bitterness is developed through unforgiving
heart. The more one holds onto past
hurts the more one turns to be drunk on her/his pain, and the experience can
deprive one of the joy that she/he can find in something.
It happens when one feels someone has taken
something from her/him that she/he is defenseless to recoup. One dwells on to the pain in an effort to
remind her/him and others of the bigotry experienced in the hopes that someone
will rescue to restore what have been lost.
Regrettably, bitterness only creates one’s sense of the injustice gets
bigger and infected with anger than heals its wound.
Bitterness is fury’s little sister. Unlike anger which can be just and moral once
it drives resolve the errors experienced or witnessed, fury is a deadly sin
because it develops into anger that feeds on itself and adds to wreckage caused
by the original pain. Bitterness does
this as well. However, it has no noise
but slowly poisoning one’s life losing it one joy at a time.
How to triumph over bitterness?
1. Forgive
Forgiveness is not pretending that everything is
“okay” and not forgetting the pain either.
St. Augustine re-echoes that forgiveness is
simply the act of surrendering our desire for revenge; that is, our desire to
hurt someone for having hurt us.
Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves that enables us to stop
picking at the scab and start making a plan for healing.
Forgiveness is simply the act of giving up ones
desire for retribution; that is, one’s desire to harm someone for harming
her/him. Forgiveness is the gift that
one could give for herself/himself which allows the stop of picking at the scab
and begins making a plan for healing.
2. Create a plan
Forgiveness allows one to free up the energy
she/he needs to start healing the wound. If the person who hurts is willing to
work with the harmed, start mapping out precisely what amendments or effort to
see from that person to let it known that it is safe to reconcile. If you are on your own, concentrate on making
a plan on doing the best to return to what was taken from you as possible. The more one tries hard to seek alternative
methods to regain losses, the less bitter one will feel even if the pain
continues. Resist the temptation that
“there’s nothing you can do.” Talk to a professional if you can’t think of
solutions. Focus on developing new goals that will assist to restructure a
destiny.
3.
Discontinue on Dwelling and Retelling
When one is messed up, there is the tendency to
turn the painful events repeatedly in one’s head or tell anyone who will pin
their ears back about the pain persistently.
It is okay to relate it to people who can help to heal the hurt, assist
resolution or help to reform, but other than that, make an effort to stop
dwelling on the story of injury ourselves and stop relating plainly to
others. When tempted to “dwell or
retell” the best option is to refocus on what we can be done –TODAY–to take at
least some small step toward refining or actualizing the plan formed in Step
2. The more one is focused on solutions,
the less is experience on the sense of powerlessness that comes from dwelling
on the pain.
4. Seek
Grace
It’s impossible to heal some wounds without God’s
grace. Bitterness causes one to turn
away from God’s grace in exchange of pre-occupation over the wound. Confess bitterness that nursing its pain.
Dwelling on to anything except God’s love, mercy and healing grace disconnects
from God and the life He wants His creations to have. Confession opens one’s
heart to receive the healing that God yearns to give. It can assist surrender the hurt and
helplessness and start to discern fresh choices. Refrain from accumulating pains. Make yearning for healing official by taking
the tendency to dwell in the helplessness to the confession box and find the
grace to leave it there.
5. Seek
Professional Help
If the bitterness won’t let go even after trying
all of the above-mentioned, seek professional help to find new tools to heal
the wounds. If you have a faithful
professional in your area that you have worked with before, it may be time to
reconnect.
Hebrew 12:15 See to it that no one be deprived of the
grace of God, that no bitter root spring up and cause trouble, through which
many may become defiled.
One has
not to be bitter or consumed by feelings of powerlessness and sadness.
Ephesian 4:31-32 All
bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along
with all malice. (And) be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one
another as God has forgiven you in Christ.
Reference:
Dr. Gregory Popcak, Overcoming Bitterness: 5 Steps for Healing the Hurt that Won’t Go Away, http://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithonthecouch/2013/11/overcoming-bitterness-5-steps-for-healing-the-hurt-that-wont-go-away/
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