It’s easier said than done. When one is really mad, she/he can’t even think straight. Nevertheless, with a solid plan of action, a parent may not probably just end up yelling at children, feeling guilty, possibly apologizing and then repeating the whole behavior all over again,. A study reliably discloses that the more advance a parent makes a decision the more likely she/he is to make better choices. Here are the tricks on confronting the temptation on yelling:[3]
Get out of the situation
The change of scene, where one parent steps out and the other steps in may help a lot to diffuse the situation.
Allow the child to be aware of the anger
Rather than yelling, let the children know that you are upset. Take a deep breath and tell the child “Mommy is becoming mad now, Sweetie.” Sometimes, the child stops the offending behavior, but more often than not, she counteracts with “I am mad too” or “No, you CANNOT be mad,” which is but acceptable argument for a 5 year old child. Nonetheless, the communication is not repressed.
Take a fresh breath outside and allow the child for a few minutes to pacify, or tell the child while on your lap with the encouragement “Let’s both be very quiet for a few minutes until we calm down.”
Establish a time limit to stop anger
The terrifying thing about getting mad is that there is no clear frontier as to when things would be patched up and return to its normal state. I’ve found that intentionally setting that boundary helps a lot to get the situation under control.
Be distracted by some household chore like washing the dishes to try to calm down and be conditioned that after washing the dishes the anger pacifies.
While the child is pitiably crying “I don’t want you to be mad at me, Mommy,” be as peacefully as you could by responding that you’re not mad and still love her/him. By telling the child to finish her/his as it’s getting very late you’re tired already (a term that a child may understand), and the need to calm down and reassure her/him that you’re just over there washing dishes, the child after wailing and get nothing out of you may suddenly be silent and hear the sound of spoon on the plate instead, a declaration that she/he’s done with her/his anger. After which, walk over to her/him, inspect her/his plate and smile at the child. As a result, the child may give you a big hug to make you feel better.
Assess things
Children are children. Their full time job is playing.
Exhale. Take a fresh breath. Think of an alternate plan to get the children to do what you want them to do.
Learn the significance of basic counting
By a count till 5, tell the children that if they don’t start picking up the toys, they all go into the trash can.
Start the bluff by counting 1… 2….3….4….without threatening them with a punishment. Don’t be like mother who threatened us that she’d chop the rubber bond that we were playing if would not stop playing. As a result I climbed about a 10 feet tall tree where I hid the rubber bonds, and when I visited it after a few day, the hole was already filled with water so I needed to take a sick to pull it. I had the difficulty to pull it. Little did I know that the rubber bonds had stuck to the snake’s body when I forced it to pull.
Generally, by the time you get to 3 and with voice starts to rise, the children will start picking up. Help them out picking as you continue counting, adjusting the speed of counting so you can finish up cleaning by the time you get to 5.
Turn anger into a fictional story
Rather than yelling at kids, spin a story. Making up a story makes brain to be too busy thinking while the child is too busy imagining it, and neither both of you have room in your brains to yell.
Lower yourself to the child’s level
Communicate with the children on an equal level, explaining their worries and rationale to them.
Use some funny sides
Occasionally it doesn’t works but sometimes it’s effective. By the times it works, you and your child run around all over the house and are tired of chuckling turning the rebellious moment to be forgotten.
Envision the repercussion
If after contemplation, you have found that there is more fun and positivity in controlling anger than flouting the Scripture’s teaching :In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness (Galatians 5:22-23) than yelling which is detrimental to a growing child, then the smartest choice is just a breath away.
References:
http://www.indiaparenting.com/child-development/262_5696/how-yelling-can-affect-the-mental-health-of-your-child.html
[2] Esther Entin, M.D., The Damage Yelling Can Do, http://www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/content/kids/art4166.html
[3] Sumitha Bhandarkar, How to Keep Yourself From Yelling at Kids Even When You are Hopping Mad, https://afineparent.com/stop-yelling-at-kids/what-to-do-instead-of-yelling-at-kids.html
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